Often, during this time of year, we see the autumn leaves taking residence on every square inch of great american ground. You see the vast amounts of coffee cups and a cornucopia of warmth in the smiles around you.
As much as I could write about the joys of fall, I am going to talk about some harsh, dirty and stark realities of this life. But somehow, even the ugliest aspects of this life can point to the same God who causes the earth to rotate around the sun and orchestrates the changing of the leaves to the most vibrant of colors.
I have been spending my weeks learning how to be a nurse in the classroom, but also in the hospital. This semester, I have found myself neck-deep in my pediatric clinical rotations. Man, I love children, and I love helping the sweet sick babies get better!
But man, I never knew my heart would break so much. This world is a dark dark place. Sometimes, I feel like I'm too inadequate to be encountering these life or death situations. I have spent time crying over things from spilling coffee all over my scrubs, to a sweet, 4-month old patient who is holding onto life from Shaken Baby Syndrome.
The reality is that I have found my life to be an utter mess. I have found the world in which I live in to be the complete opposite of the beautiful autumn sights and smells.
I have found myself to be falling apart and ripping at the seams. I have found my attitude toward others to be bitter, I have found myself to be entirely characterized by sarcasm and emotional breakdowns in the middle of parking lots and coffee shops.
One of the most prominent things I have learned about myself is that I am a completely dirty human. I fall short every day. I mean, I am a chronic liar; I lie to people to get out of things. I judge the actions of my peers, I disrespect myself with my time and fail to be intentional with my friends and relationships because I close people off.
This world is so broken, and I am a huge contributor to its brokenness, but it doesn't stop at this. In the midst of this public confession as well as my confession to Christ about my deceitfulness and dirtiness,
HE STILL LOVES ME.
The God who redeemed my life is still redeeming me today. I will never be perfect, I will never be adequate, but my gosh, God loves me even when I am as dirty as I have ever been.
The God who parted the red sea, can take my broken self and bring beauty. Its because of His grace that I can look outside my apartment window and feel His presence in the changing leaves and beauty of fall. Its because of HIS grace, that I have the chance to pray over a baby who is clinging to life with each breath.
Isaiah 43:19
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
No comments:
Post a Comment